My mother is the person I respect the most in the world. Not because of the usual just-because-she’s-my-mom reasons. After my dad died in 1988 my mother was left with two boys to raise. Where some people might wallow in despair and let their lives fall apart, my mom stood up and started college in 1989. The Social Security checks were enough that she didn’t have to work and could focus solely on school and my brother and me. My great uncle Tuck took care of the tuition. In 1994 my mom graduated Summe Cum Laude from the University of Memphis (Summa Cum Laude means she had a perfect 4.0 grade point average her entire college career). Soon after my mom was pulling in a handsome income and we were out of the neighborhood.
Today my mom lives in South Carolina and is a corporate auditor for a regional bank. She has a really nice house with the biggest fuckin yard ever…and a humongous TV in the living room. And I couldn’t be more proud.
I did this interview the week of Christmas while my mom was at our house for the holidays.
JJ – Why do you lie and tell me I’m a handsome man when that is clearly not true?
Mom – (laughs) That’s not a real question!
JJ – Answer it.
Mom – (laughs) You know, whether or not you’re handsome is a matter of opinion. And I’m not lying when I say that.
JJ - But I think you are lying…
Mom – Well, so. I’m not.
JJ – What if a scientific gallup poll was taken and the results said I wasn’t?
Mom – That doesn’t impact my opinion.
JJ – What if I said your opinion was horseshit because you’re my mom?
Mom – Well you say that all the time. You don’t see yourself how other people see you.
JJ – What if YOU don’t see me how other people see me and you’re wrong?
Mom – I’m not wrong. If my opinion is my opinion then I’m not wrong.
JJ – Ok whatever. Question number 2…
Mom – Is it as stupid as question number one?
JJ – Question number 2. How do you feel about the name The Goddamn Murphy Brothers?
Mom – I’m not crazy about it because I don’t think the Murphy brothers are goddamned.
JJ – Do you not think it’s a catchy name that rolls off the tongue?
Mom – Well yeah it’s a catchy name but I still don’t like it.
JJ – I may have to spruce this lame ass interview up a bit later
Mom – (laughs) Don’t you misquote me!
JJ – What do you think dad would think of what me and my brother are doing with ourselves today?
Mom – Well I think he’d be fine with it. I think as somebody who liked music a lot he’d be happy that y’all are doing the music you’re doing becuase he enjoyed it so much.
JJ – When I was a kid you were not into the idea of me being tattooed. What do you think he would have said?
Mom – I think he would’ve been ok with it.
JJ – Would you have fought him on it? Would you have argued about it?
Mom – Well of course we would. If there was anything that we would disagree on that had to do with you guys, we would argue about it.
JJ – And who would win?
Mom – Me.
JJ – Do you think if dad hadn’t died that you would have gone to college and eventually made the kind of money you make now?
Mom – Yes.
JJ – Do you think it would have happened when it did?
Mom – No. No because we were busy. Me having an income that I didn’t have to go to work for is what allowed me to go to school.
JJ – Which was what?
Mom – Social security income. So would it have happened then? No because we were too busy raising our kids and had a mortgage. I think it would’ve happened. I didn’t know that Uncle Tuck was willing to pay for my education but he did. It could be he would have done it anyway.
JJ – Do you believe in the lord? And how do you feel when we say we don’t?
Mom – Yes I do.
JJ – You believe in the fuckin lord Jesus Christ?
Mom – I didn’t say that. Do you mean god or Jesus Christ?
JJ – I mean a phantom in the sky who controls things.
Mom – (laughs) A supreme being. Yes I do. I believe that there’s a higher power but I believe being created by that higher power that he instilled in us our own power, our own intelligence, and our own free will and we’re supposed to use those things in a positive way. I don’t believe that you pray to make things better and then everything gets better. I don’t believe that. I believe you can pray to make yourself strong enough to endure what you have to endure.
JJ – Ok so what happens to us when we die? And don’t say “I don’t know.”
Mom - (laughs) I think we go to another place. I think it’s another place. I don’t know about a perfect heaven because after all you’re dead. I don’t know. I don’t know how to answer that.
JJ – Very entertaining.
Mom – (laughs) I can’t help it.
JJ – Besides the usual new mother joy bullshit, what did you think of me when I was a baby?
Mom – I ALWAYS knew you were going to be interesting. You tried to speak when you were 2 months old. You’ve always been very inquisitive, very intelligent, very precautious. You know just wanting to know everything, wanting to explore everything, wanting to discover everything, wanting to understand how all these things work. It wasn’t just “oh I love you because you’re my kid.” You were a pretty amazing kid.
JJ – Talk about the time I got caught playing doctor with a girl and you took away my Crayons as punishment.
Mom – (laughs) You talking about Amber? I don’t remember the details of that. I remember that happening but I don’t remember the Crayons. But here’s the deal. The Crayons being taken away, whether it be that time or not…that was like your worst punishment. Because you loved your Crayons more than anything. That was a big deal for you.
JJ – Do you think if we hadn’t have left our old neighborhood that me and Andrew would be the leaders of a massive gang and possibly have done time in prison? Because we do.
Mom – (laughs) No I don’t. When we were still in that neighborhood I moved you to a school where the kids weren’t from our neighborhood. And it wasn’t like you were latchkey kids and I wasn’t there. I was there and spent time with you and kept you involved in stuff. I don’t think that would have changed.
JJ – You took us to a lot of concerts when we were really young…especially me. Why did you feel compelled to do that? And did it ever occur to you in those early years that it might steer us towards music?
Mom – Well I don’t know that I felt compelled as much as it was what I enjoyed so I took you guys. I went to a million concerts. I liked it so why wouldn’t you? We always played music in the house and in the car because I liked it.
JJ – When I was pretty young and getting into metal you used to take away some of my CD’s because of the lyrical content. Why?
Mom – Because I felt like it was negative stuff and I felt like you had already had enough negativity in your life. And I was concerned with you getting immersed in that negative death shit. That’s why I took it away.
JJ – So let’s say I was a goth fag and liked to read vampire books, would it have been the same way?
Mom – Probably. But if you remember I didn’t just take them away. I sat down and listened to them and looked at the lyrics and I said to myself “is this a message that I want my son, who has had enough trauma in his life, to hear over and over again?” And the answer was no.
JJ – Ok so what if I told you most of the lyrics I write in my band are about negative things?
Mom – Well that doesn’t surprise me. But that doesn’t change that I had to do what I thought was right as a parent.
JJ – If I told you I wrote lyrics, for instance, about being depressed or lonely and you read them…would you not take them the same way? Like your young son getting into my band and you read those lyrics. I mean the song isn’t glorifying being lonely or depressed. It’s meant to be a release. And if you didn’t realize that would you take it the same way?
Mom – Well I feel like I would have done the same thing. And I would do that because I wouldn’t know all those things you just explained. How are mothers of young people supposed to know?
JJ – Well I feel like I tried to explain that back then but you thought I didn’t know what I was talking about because I was a dumb kid.
Mom – No it’s not that. I was just an over-concerned mother. That’s it. I felt a certain way about it and I did what I thought was right as a mother.
JJ – When I was in school you used to say to me every morning, “make A’s”, before I left. Will you now admit that it didn’t make any difference at all what grades I made in high school?
Mom – No. Because you may some day want to go to college. It’s not just about the grades. It’s about applying yourself and doing and accomplishing something. Learning discipline, learning period.
JJ – What if I said that, other than art class, high school was a complete waste of my time and I didn’t learn ANYTHING of importance and that I learned to apply myself completely outside of school?
Mom – You’re not understanding that I value education. I think you can learn things from school.
JJ – What would say if I told you I learned more painting houses with Derryl than I did in high school?
Mom – I’d say that’s crazy.
JJ – Ok well I think I learned how to work hard for things by working with Derryl. And all high school taught me was how to scam my way through things I think are unnecessary and bullshit.
Mom – Well apparently your values are different from mine. I value education. I see value there.
JJ – If I have kids one day and I tell them they have to graduate high school just because. But I don’t care about their grades. I just want them to make a success out of themselves. Would that bother you? Do you think I’d be doing something wrong?
Mom – Yeah that would bother me some. You’re pretty much telling them “oh it doesn’t matter. Just blow it all off. It doesn’t matter if you learn anything.” You’ve got to realize that your children may not be like you. Your children may be like ME.
JJ – Well that’s possible. If my kid wants to be a doctor or a teacher or an engineer I’ll tell them to go to school. But if my kid says “dad I don’t give a fuck what I do. I just want to make a lot of money.” I’ll say “well my son let me show you some tricks of the trade.”
Mom – Well ok but can’t they have both?
JJ – Why? Why waste the time? I have friends who went to school and make less money than me.
Mom - I know. You have to realize that most young people don’t know what they want to do. In school you get exposed to a lot of different things so you can decide where you fit.
JJ – You always raised us to be non-racist. You know, to respect all other people. Mainly black people because that’s what we were around. Why? Every other parent either didn’t care or taught the normal Southern hate tradition.
Mom – A couple of reasons. One is that your grandmother taught me that. Because she grew up with prejudice and being called a dego and derogatory Italian names that she considered to be insulting and racist. So I didn’t think it was right to judge people. Not anymore that it should be ok for someone to judge you and think you’re a certain way because you cut your hair short and have tattoos. I don’t think it’s right.
JJ – When I was 15 you let me go hundreds of miles out of town with Chuck’s band cuz they were playing with Madball. I think most mothers would say fuck no. Why did you let me go?
Mom – I let you go because number 1, I had met Chuck. I wouldn’t have let you go with a total stranger. I felt like I knew him. I wanted you to have the experience. So I let you go. I didn’t want you to let opportunities pass.
JJ – When my brother was 13 you brought him down to Barristsers to see us play with Madball, Blood For Blood, and Earth Crisis. I believe that was your first real hardcore show. What did you think about it?
Mom – I’ve always loved watching you and your brother perform. I love it because I love watching you do something you really love to do. As a parent it shouldn’t matter if I’m watching you on a football field or whatever. It’s watching you do something you love to do.
JJ – Well the only time I think you’ve ever seen me and my brother play on the same show was in Memphis with his old band In The Crosshairs, CF, (and Donnybrook). And there were people throwing trash cans and couches and all this crazy shit. What did you think about that?
Mom – (laughs) I think it’s utterly ridiculous. I think THAT part of it is utterly ridiculous. You know this big dude or some little girl, who shall remain nameless [Brooke], throws a trash can across the room…it made me laugh out loud! Like “what is this supposed to be?”
JJ – But what if I told you that it makes people feel better to go down to a show and go completely insane and that is what keeps them sane. Or it keeps them from killing themselves or killing someone else?
Mom – Well looking at it as an outsider, which I always am because I’m always standing up and away so I don’t get in the fray and don’t get hurt. So from the outside looking in it looks silly to me. I don’t sit there and think “oh they’re doing that so they don’t come out of here and punch somebody in the face” or “they’re working out their frustrations.” I never really thought of it that way. It just looks funny to me.
JJ – Out of all our bands…Clenched Fist, In The Crosshairs, Fight Like Hell, and Death Before Dishonor…which one is least abrasive/most enjoyable to your mom ears?
Mom – (laughs) That’s really hard to say because you know your music is not my music. I like watching you perform but I don’t sing along. It doesn’t speak to me. It’s not my kind of music.
JJ – What do you want to see me and Andrew accomplish and/or attain in our life?
Mom – That is such a difficult question. What I’d like to see you attain? I’d like to see you happy. I’d like to see you doing things you love to do. Enjoying what you do and being with someone who appreciates you and loves you like you should be loved. All of that. It doesn’t matter to me how you make your living as long as it’s legal and is not dangerous. Those things don’t matter to me. Your personal happiness matters much more. Yeah and I’d like grandchildren!
